Atlanski

Dum Dums

2012-01-31T12:47:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

All these are Dum Dums

And all these are suckers.

All these are Dum Dums

And all these are fuckers.

Shake a Spear! It’s a Brand New Year!

2012-01-01T14:59:00.000-05:00

Buddies,

Return we now to January 1,

As ev’ry New Year’s Day we’re bound to do,

Supplanting yesteryear and what we’ve done,

Predicting productivity anew.

Unstoppably do we embrace our tasks,

Tangential though to life they oft may be.

Is not the whole of life, a wise man asks,

Nonsensical and puerile poetry?

Suppose that someone told you there are folks

Performing ev’ry year with effervescence

Excessively inane poetic jokes

Notoriously tinged with adolescence.

It’s time to write another limerick.

So find another word that rhymes with ‘dick’.

(HAPPY NEW YEAR!)

Three Wise Men Poemskis

2011-12-26T01:10:00.000-05:00

Buddies,

1

A Wise Man who’s second to none,

When going to visit God’s son,

Would note, by the way,

Christmas is His birthday,

And bring along two gifts, not one.

2

The Wise Men had given offense

With rather overt flatulence.

Thank Heaven they were,

With their gold, packing myrrh

And plenty o’ dang’d frankincense!

3

A little before Christmas Day,

The Wise Men decided that they,

To please the new king,

Would bring Him some bling,

As Wal-Mart was right on their way.

Santa Sonnet

2011-12-24T11:26:00.000-05:00

Buddies,

Miraculous, the way he now appears

Expectedly in each department store,

Resembling an elf (except the ears),

Recalling ev’ry bit of yuletide lore.

You sit upon his lap and dare to make,

Convinced of confidentiality,

However long the time that it may take,

Ridiculous requests for things for free.

If ever you should manage, by the way,

Succeeding here where no one ever had,

To catch this wondrous man on Christmas Day,

My guess is he’d turn out to be your dad.

At last, his true identity is found!

So why don’t you get gifts the whole year round?

Seeing Double

2011-12-14T21:30:00.000-05:00

Buddies,

Mix me up a drink, my dear

It's over by the sink.

Scotch is what I most revere

Served chilled is best, I think.

Have one for yourself as well

Or maybe even two.

Loosen up your blouse a spell

Large tits look good on you.

Ogling both your double Ds

Why, they're almost as nice

As Johnnie Walker's Double B

Yet cost me twice the price.

Miss Holloway's Double Ds and Double B

Joeku

2011-12-09T10:16:00.000-05:00

Buddies,

A perverted man

Screwed his daughter at dinner.

She'd asked him for secs.

Tattoos

2011-12-02T13:44:00.000-05:00

Buddies,

Tattoos ain’t silly! Tattoos ain’t dumb!

Who don’t want a comic-strip stuck on their bum?

That's how to show the world you’ve been in prison,

While feeding your rather extreme narcissism,

Revealing the truths known to too many souls --

That you’ll take a prick in a half-million holes --

That you’re not afraid, as your skin starts to sag,

To look like an old World War II duffel bag --

That you’ve got the courage to put on display

A version of manhood that looks pretty gay --

That you must consider the red man your kin;

’Cuz you’ve got his face on your pasty white skin --

That you’re just the type to say, “Hey, what the hell?

Who gives a rat’s ass if I can’t fucking spell?” --

That you’ve, in your nonchalance, taken in stride

That spinal tattoo too far off to one side.

Seriously, you should get a tattoo

That says something quite undeniably true:

“Bodies are beautiful. So, too, is art.

Less so together. More so apart.”

Weathermanhood

2011-11-25T16:43:00.000-05:00

Buddies,

Mercurial as Mother Nature is,

Exacting as a science strives to be,

A weatherman sees no job hard as his

To carry out somewhat successfully.

Yet conscientiously he plies his craft,

Uncertain though he is in his convictions,

Recording every sprinkle, spray, and shaft,

Oracularly making his predictions.

Let all of us in honesty confess

Our staunch reliance on the man's didactics.

Galoshes, raincoats, rubbers mark our dress,

Inspired by his call for prophylactics.

Spectacular! We see the sky transform --

The lightning stroke before the coming storm!

The Cleveland Creed

2011-10-24T22:14:00.000-04:00

Buddies,

The Baseball World Series is here

And who's gonna win is unclear.

But there wasn't a doubt

That the Tribe would be out

Now repeat: “We will get 'em next year!”

The Village Blacksmith

2011-10-07T02:00:00.000-04:00

Buddies,

Under a spreading chestnut tree

The village smithy stands

A-watering it conspicuously,

His hose-pipe in his hands.

Once the fucker’s in custody,

The judgey reprimands.

-- Henry Fellowsworth Longwad

Mom, the Bears Are Eating Me Now

2011-09-25T18:39:00.000-04:00

Buddies,

Mother, thank goodness I caught you at home!

It’s Olga, your feminine child.

First of all, it’s not easy to call

From out in the midst of the wild.

Sorry to bother you, Mother, but I

Don’t know what else I’m to do.

So have a seat, dear, all the better to hear

The tale I’ve got to tell you.

Mom, the bears are eating me now.

They’re making a meal of me.

There first was none, and then only one;

But ev’ry good tale has three.

Mom, the bears just see me as chow --

A two-legged, golden-haired snack.

My mobile phone being gnawed like a bone,

If we get cut off, I’ll call back.

Stepfather wanted to call you himself

But he’s in the old river-bed.

And, what’s more, there’s that cocksuckin’ bear,

What stove in the side of his head.

So I can see, quite obviously,

The state of contentment he’s in:

A smile now graces the look on his face,

Without any muscles or skin.

Mom, the bears are eating me now.

They’re making a meal of me.

There first was none, and then only one;

But ev’ry good tale has three.

Mom, the bears just see me as chow --

A two-legged, golden-haired snack.

My mobile phone being gnawed like a bone,

If we get cut off, I’ll call back.

Some regard bear-cubs as cuddly and cute

To my way of thinking, that’s nuts,

Because -- (*a-HEM*) -- I've got one of them

A-nosin’ around in my guts.

Here in this mess, I think of that dress --

The one I grew out of and tossed.

I’m figuring it would probably fit,

With all of the weight that I’ve lost.

Mom, the bears are eating me now.

They’re making a meal of me.

There first was none, and then only one;

But ev’ry good tale has three.

Mom, the bears just see me as chow --

A two-legged, golden-haired snack.

My mobile phone being gnawed like a bone,

If we get cut off, I’ll call back.

Mom, if we meet one another again,

It won’t be as in olden days.

Because, you see, I’m likely to be

Recycled in numerous ways.

Out in the tundra and out in the woods,

Remember, whatever you do:

Hop, skip, and jump where the bears take a dump,

Or I’ll be all over your shoe.

Mom, the bears are eating me now.

They’re making a meal of me.

There first was none, and then only one;

But ev’ry good tale has three.

Mom, the bears just see me as chow --

A two-legged, golden-haired snack.

My mobile phone being gnawed like a bone,

If we get cut off, I’ll call back.

Mom, the bears are leaving me now,

And taking me also along

Surely enough, straight into the stuff

Of fable and story and song.

Mom, if there’s a Heaven somehow,

Where wheat is set off from the chaff,

We’ll settle up there and look down at the bear,

And have us the best and last laugh.

(Forgive the gallows humor.)
(Rest in peace, kiddo.)

Keep Walking

2011-09-16T21:57:00.004-04:00

Buddies,

Sitting in my chair I think
It might be time to have a drink

That which sounds the best to me
Is a glass of ~~scotch~~ ~~whiskey~~ Scotch whisky

Johnnie Walker is the booze
That I'd recommend and choose

(Yea, it ain't a single malt
But only pedants will find fault)

The flavor of it's really nice
In a glass with cubes of ice

If you like the taste of peat
I recommend you drink it neat

Some folks add some water to it
(Though I don't recommend you do it)

As I sit here now I find
I really can't make up my mind

The choice that I have got to make:
Which bottle do I first partake?

Designing for Clients

2011-09-14T18:38:00.000-04:00

Buddies,

I need you to design this
And I need it to look great
Photoshop it quickly
And make sure it isn't late.

Center; fully justify
The text and if you could
Use the font called Comic Sans
I think it would look good.

I haven't proofread anything
Nor fixed all my mistakes
So we will edit as you go
If that is what it takes.

Don't choose your own imagery;
Forget what's on your mind.
I'm gonna do a Google search
And use what *I* can find.

They will print pixelated?
Why, whatever do you mean?
The images look good to me
When viewed upon my screen…

Finally, I need this done
Affordably and cheap.
It doesn't look that hard to me;
Your price should not be steep.

You are the designer
With the training and the tools
You have "creative freedom"…
But just follow all *my* rules.

Jennifer’s Wearing a Short Dress Again (God Save The Huffington Post)

2011-08-31T22:55:00.002-04:00

Buddies,

Looking to get

Some news off the ’Net,

I browse with an int’rested mind.

A few random clicks

Provide a good mix.

Such earthshaking stories I find.

The president’s fighting a few congressmen,

O’er who loves the country the most.

And Jennifer’s wearing a short dress again.

God save The Huffington Post!

Politics, sports,

And weather reports,

Plus vids of cute kitties and dogs --

The Weltanshauung-shapers,

Which once were newspapers,

Have morphed into personal blogs.

The Gulf is polluted with crude oil when

A hurricane threatens the coast.

It should be streamed live, somewhere like CNN,

So we can see ev’ry distraught citizen.

And Jennifer’s wearing a short dress again.

God save The Huffington Post!

Thousands of facts

About criminal acts

Fill page after page, maybe so

The diligent readers

Won’t later, as leaders,

Say, “Crime,” and then, “Boy, I don’t know.”

A killer sent up to the Vegas State Pen

May find himself able to boast:

He could be paroled in a dozen or ten

(’Cuz he ain’t locked up for what he shoulda been).

And Jennifer’s wearing a short dress again.

God save The Huffington Post!

Sometimes I muse,

While reading the news,

“How odd it is that the format

Of Reality,

As conceived on TV,

Has nothing to do with all that.”

Hollywood mourned a dead sex-symbol, then

A music icon overdosed.

Lost in a drug-induced moment of Zen,

His body forgot how to breathe oxygen;

And Jennifer’s wearing a short dress again.

God save The Huffington Post!

God save The Huffington Post!

Just Asking Frau It

2011-07-21T00:54:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

A hausfrau had fucked up the meter

Of a poem on her blog yet her readers

Who, without a clue

Chimed in with a "coo"

But her husband knew better and beat her.

The Way ATLANSKI Rolls

2011-07-14T01:05:00.002-04:00

Buddies,

Without rhythm, what is rhyme?

Poetic disregard of time,

Or flagrant ignorance of meter,

Won’t impress a learned reader.

ANYONE can manage THAT --

‘Mint’ & ‘squint’ ... ‘hat’ & ‘bat’ --

By following a recipe

Discovered rather easily:

Let every other line you say

Be nothing but a throwaway,

For which the purpose in your poem’s

To bring a rhyming couplet home.

A greater challenge, I’d insist

(As I’m a near-perfectionist),

Is mastering the metric art,

Which sets the best poets apart.

Attend the standard line that’s here,

And how its rhythm hits your ear:

diDAH, diDAH, diDAH, diDAH --

Iambic tetrameter -- a-HA!

(That last line was a little off --

But that’s “poetic license.” (*cough*)

Or, actually, no ... not quite:

‘Tetrameter’ -- pronounce it right.

The line, perhaps, contains a rest,

And one iamb’s an anapest --

Permissible maneuvers, these,

By all metric proprieties.)

To make the challenge greater still

The quite courageous poet will

Insist each piece of verse contain

No rhythm-, rhyme-, or syntax-strain;

As well that each line that you give

Advances well your narrative:

The rhyming lines that feel so

Superfluous have GOT to go.

And let’s have zero tolerance

For simply using assonance

Every motherfucking time

It’s hard to craft a proper rhyme.

If anywhere, that crap belongs

In lyrics, when you’re writing songs,

Where musical phenomena

Obscure the poetic faux pas.

You want to make things REALLY tough?

Make rhyme-sounds-once-used used enough.

No ‘hit’ & ‘bit’, then ‘sit’ & ‘shit’.

Just use them once, and then that’s it.

It’s getting harder, is it not?

Oh, look how late the hour has got!

RELAX! The stricture spoken of

Was violated up above.

And without humor, what is verse?

It’s self-indulgence -- maybe worse.

Unless a rhyme provokes a smile,

What would make the thing worthwhile?

The execution of a joke

That’s sure to tickle normal folk

Is probably the skill I’d call

The most unteachable of all.

So that’s the way ATLANSKI rolls;

And why there aren’t many souls

Who’ll tangle with us at our game.

Alas! Our TALENT is to blame.

-- Joe Cockier

ATLANSKI is THIS MANY years old!

“I believe not. I believe no.”

2011-07-04T21:50:00.002-04:00

Buddies,

“Shoo!TAG™ keeps fleas from attacking your pet,

With magnetic strips in which info is set.

Strange as that seems, this wondrous appliance

Is grounded in actual physical science.”

Tell me: Is what was just said really so?

I believe not. I believe no.

A former House Speaker announced his intent

To campaign to become the next president.

The candidate's staff -- at least most of it --

Abruptly decided that they would all quit.

Doesn't that tend to make confidence grow?

I believe not. I believe no.

An octogenarian, wanting to bone

A bag of peroxide and silicone,

Insisted on more; and, out of his head,

Secured her agreement that they would be wed.

Reneging, she said, with just five days to go:

“I believe not. I believe no.”

Cat-pictures, kid-pictures, gardens and such

Captivate bloggers a little too much.

Then there's the trend -- indeed, all the rage --

Where copy-and-paste peppers page after page.

Isn't that better than Atlas and Joe?

I believe not. I believe no.

Poetry Prompt

2011-06-29T22:05:00.002-04:00

Buddies,

Oh, how the hausfraus had written and romped,

Responding to yet one more poetry prompt!

Then, in the wake of the sap that ensued,

Each to the others predictably cooed.

Funnier still, what did eventuate:

Each was convinced that her poems were great.

None chose to see what was patent, of course --

That “Don't criticize!” is the rule that's in force.

Therefore, the next step is trying to get

Their poetry published elsewhere than the ’Net.

Running from standards by which they might bomb,

They head, like a shot, straight to Lulu.com,

Which puts in a book just about anything

You'd care to upload -- even sans editing.

But self-published works no reviewer will touch;

And hence do they tend not to sell very much.

Thus would each author herself, in the end,

Resort to soliciting friend after friend.

This takes her quickly right back to the clan

From whose blind acceptance the whole thing began.

Stemming from this is, as you might have guessed,

Another predictable hausfrau coo-fest.

But only a handful will shell out the bread,

While most offer promises (“Someday”) instead.

Then comes the bitterest pill yet to choke her:

Her poems had been all along mediocre.

And so, although published in hardcover, they're

Read by no one, at no time, and nowhere.

She'd have been better off not to embrace

The myths that are pervasive in cyberspace,

According to which “If you can, then you should,”

As well “If you do, then it's bound to be good.”

Telling the truth, this is far more like it:

“No effort, no standards ... no VALUE.” No shit.

-- Cynicles

A Bristol Palin Book Review

2011-06-19T19:38:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

Bristol's new book puts a spin

On her life as a teen mom has-been.

And who would have thunk

Getting knocked up while drunk

Could raise enough cash for a chin?

Disturbation

2011-06-07T17:50:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

Can’t you see I’m busy? My labors haven’t ceased.

I’ve got my friggin’ hands full -- or, well, one o’ them at least.

Gimme just another minute more. If you do not,

Then I sincerely warn you: You could end up gettin’ shot.

-- Polehandski

Fuck 'er

2011-05-28T00:35:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

Fuck 'er dirty. Fuck 'er clean.

Fuck 'er on a trampoline.

Fuck 'er where you fuck a lady.

Fuck 'er where you'd fuck Ned Beatty.

Fuck 'er when she wears a dress.

Fuck 'er when she's wearing less.

Fuck 'er like you can't resist 'er.

Fuck 'er daughter, mom, and sister.

Fuck 'er in the living room.

Fuck 'er, rest, and then resume.

Fuck 'er in the early morning.

Fuck 'er hard and without warning.

Fuck 'er cleavage. Fuck 'er tits.

Fuck 'er till she fuckin' shits.

Fuck 'er till you both get sleepy.

Fuck 'er till you break your peepee.

Fuck 'er in 'er favorite way.

Fuck 'er all the live-long day.

(Atlanski reminds you always to get 'er permission before you fuck 'er.)
(Photos are included for monotony-breaking purposes only.)

Froggy Fruit

2011-05-10T01:32:00.003-04:00

Buddies,
I once found a shop with a vendor

Whose prunes were delicious and tender.

They always were ripe

And because of their type

Were quickest of prunes to surrender.

–Napoleon Prunaparte

May... Or May Not

2011-05-06T02:20:00.002-04:00

Buddies,

For those who've been patiently waiting all day
For Atlanski to put up a poemski for May
I'm here to assure you we'll post something soon

But til then sit tight and just slurp on these prunes.

Con Text

2011-04-18T21:06:00.000-04:00

Buddies,

I look at this textbook
It makes my eyes crossed.
I don't get this subject
I'm totally lost.

Concepts and terms
That are totally new to me.
Torture is what
This book's trying to do to me.

Why must the author
Be SO fuckin' dense?
I need it dumbed down
So it makes fuckin' sense.

This stuff isn't easy
But it need not be HARD.
No thanks to the author;
A friggin mentard.

Stiffed

2011-04-12T00:00:00.002-04:00

Buddies,

There's something I keep dreaming of:

A night with the girl that I love.

But she keeps refusing

Which I find confusing:

'Cuz I did as she asked; brought a glove.

Wrestling

2011-04-03T16:18:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

Billy took up wrestling,

Which prompted folks to say,

"Who'd have figured Billy-boy

Would ever swing that way?"

The Atlanski Code

2011-04-01T16:18:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

What is it with elephants?

And what it is with prunes?

What's with "SINK THE BISMARCK!"

And <i>tal</i>cs, saws, and loons?

All I'll say, dear readers -- and

I know this isn't fair --

Is: Through our years of friendship, you

Would have to have been there!

-- Private Joker

Spring

2011-03-20T01:26:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

Summer and Fall were ho-hum.

And the Winter was really humdrum.

The season of SPRING

Is the MOST exciting --

When June, May, and April all come!

Little Miss Muffet

2011-03-13T13:06:00.000-04:00

Buddies,

Little Miss Muffet

Sat on a tuffet

Eating her curds and whey;

Along came a spider

Who crawled up inside her

And gave her orgasms all day.

A Frau Line

2011-03-07T01:17:00.002-05:00

Buddies,

I thought that I'd be really clever

If I made it my blogging endeavor

To post pics of my kids

And my cats so I did

Frauever* and ever and EVER!
* Thanks to Joey for the termski

Me Poet. You Read.

2011-03-02T12:55:00.002-05:00

Buddies,

Man desperate formulate plan

Make limerick poem lines scan:

"Screw syntax," say he,

"Write article-free,

Sign poem with pen-name 'Tarzan'."

Dog Shit

2011-02-22T10:50:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

Dog shit on the carpet ...

Dog shit on the lawn ...

Dog shit over ev'rything a

Dog could shit upon ...

Dog shit on a paper plate ...

Dog shit in a cup ...

Makes me wonder why I even

Brought the subject up.

-- PooLanski

Joeku

2011-02-17T19:43:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

My downstairs neighbor

Orders pizza ev'ry day ...

Lazy, fat bastard.

Valentine's Day Poemski

2011-02-14T12:05:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

I gave my love a paper heart

And, just as I had planned,

It caused the lovemaking to start:

She let me hold her hand.

I gave my love a chocolate treat

And, after I'd done this,

My love proceeded it to eat,

And let me have a kiss.

I gave my love twelve roses red

And then, I do attest,

My hand, upon her face, instead

She placed upon her breast.

I gave my love a diamond ring

And then, without a doubt,

She's on her back -- badaBOOM, badaBING!

We screwed our brainskis out.

And then, amid the afterglow,

The whole thing struck me funny:

Does ev'ry horny person blow

This kind of fucking money?

Writer's Block

2011-02-10T19:42:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

I should make a new post tonight

But I can't and instead I sit tight.

I just stare at the clock

Since this dang'd writer's block

Ain't helping with what I could write...

Vid-Lanski

2011-02-01T11:00:00.005-05:00

Buddies,

Our blog being quite unsurpassed,

'Twas surely a cinch to forecast

Inevitably

Great publicity

On YouTube -- the Big Time, at last!

Atlanski Vid -- An Atlas Cerise Creation

Copy and Paste!

2011-01-29T11:00:00.004-05:00

Buddies,

Copy and paste!

Copy and paste!

See all the cyberspace bloggers can waste,

Publishing blogposts the contents of which

Were posted by some other sonofabitch.

Copy and paste!

Copy and paste!

Why make the Web creativity-based?

Surely the Internet has all that's needed.

So read it, and save it, and then just repeat it.

Copy and paste!

Copy and paste!

Then find some readers of similar taste.

Find something funny and, after you've read it,

Post it verbatim and then take the credit.

Copy and paste!

Copy and paste!

See the dilemma with which you are faced:

This bit of poetry's sure to provoke

YOU into being the butt of the joke!

But when at a loss, just remember posthaste

To copy and paste!

Copy and paste!

Copy and paste!

-- Sarcasticles

Jack This!

2011-01-23T18:00:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

'Jack'd' is the official word

By which we two have long referred

To blogs whose owners haven't stirred

For several months, at least;

And also those where recent stirring

Seems a rarity occurring,

So that soon, we'd be inferring,

That will all have ceased;

---

Like this and this and this and this,

And this and this and this and this,

And this and this and this and this,

And this, to name a few.

But certainly I'd be remiss

If I left out this, this, and this

And this and this and this and this,

And this and this one too;

---

As well as this and this and this,

this, this, and this, this, this, and this,

this, this, this, this, and fuckin' this,

And this, to name some more.

And don't forget our old friend, Hiss.

And don't forget our old friend, Ciss,

Who Jack'd TWO blogs, for emphasis --

A feat we can't ignore!

---

Forty ain't all I could name,

As three o' mine are Jack'd the same.

Perhaps we might make this a game

When writing further rhymes.

I wonder if we might again

Identify another ten,

And bring it to a hundred when

We do it five more times.

Snow Thank You II

2011-01-10T20:05:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

I checked the map, and traveling fast

I seen tomorrow's wintry blast.

Not happy now; I hate the snow

Close school so I don't hafta go.

Shake a Spear! It's a Brand New Year!

2011-01-01T01:42:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

Occasions like the first day of the year

Renew a person's spirit and élan.

Unbroken by our bygone failures, we're

Set fervently to improve thereupon.

Excited by the chance of great success,

Aspiring to validate our hope,

Convinced that our prospects are limitless,

Unflinchingly we take to the tightrope.

Can anybody guess the reason why --

Unfathomably on this first of days --

My hopes are, not as one might prophesy,

But rather overcome by gross malaise?

Eschewing common practice once condoned,

Rasputin peepee poemin's been postponed.

A Rough Draught

2010-12-29T20:24:00.000-05:00

Buddies,

I thought that I'd made myself clear

When saying you're NOT welcome here.

Get it through your thick skin –

Never mind! Come on IN!

I didn't realize you had beer!

Santa Sonnet

2010-12-24T11:00:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

Meticulously, Santa checks his list,

Endeavoring to mark the good and bad,

Rereading it like a perfectionist,

Rethinking and revising it a tad.

You also know it's toys that he supplies,

Created by the hands of little elves.

His sleigh, by reindeer pulled so fast it flies,

Resembles in its bounty Wal-Mart's shelves.

Incredible as all this surely sounds,

Supposing not a bit of it is true,

The fact that generosity abounds,

Mayhap be due to folks like me and you.

Atlanski, on the eve of Christmas Day,

Suggests you send some decent shit our way.

Snow Thank You

2010-12-16T19:40:00.003-05:00

Buddies,

The snow keeps falling; it won't quit

And oh how I despise the shit.

It piles up upon the ground

And makes it hard to get around.

It fills me up with much disdain

So here I sit; here I complain.

I'd much prefer to go out, though

But not with all this fucking snow.

Drawings

2010-11-30T21:31:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

I drew some water from a well.

I drew some love from strife.

I wish that I could fuckin' draw

An elephant from life.

A Point of Exclamation

2010-11-13T00:05:00.000-05:00

Buddies,

I opened up my fridge tonight
And there weren't any beers in sight!

I'd hoped to have an ice cold beer
With frosted glass but none were here!

No Corona, Busch or Bud!
No Sam Adams tasty suds!

From Heineken to the Mad Monk
From Coors to Pabst: they all were drunk!

I just want a tasty brew
But what the fuck am I to do?

I ain't got no alcohol
Cuz SOMEONE's gone and drunk 'em all!

Slop

2010-11-09T15:25:00.001-05:00

Buddies,

Cocoa Puffs and Cheerios!
And Corn Flakes with a prune!
I'd eat it all if I could find

My goshdang'd World's Fair Spoon!

In Case I Forget

2010-11-03T22:41:00.002-04:00

Buddies,

I gotta put up a note to remember
To post something new for the month of November
But if my reminder don't stay in my head

Then I'll just let Joey post something instead.

It's the FUCKING Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!

2010-10-31T18:36:00.002-04:00

Buddies,

Said Linus, addressing his gal:

"The Great Pumpkin's real name, Sal,

Is NOT fucking 'Snoopy',

You fucking cunt, loopy!

It's 'Swearengen' -- or, for short, 'Al'."

Swearengen pumpkin photographed and CARVED by Atlas Cerise

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Take Me Out At the Ball Game

2010-10-27T16:30:00.002-04:00

Buddies,

Take me out at the ball game!

I'm obnoxious and loud!

I've been a jerk since the bat went CRACK!

No one deserves more than me a suh-MACK!

When you

Root, root, root for the home team,

I'm placing on them the BLAME!

So it's LEFT!

RIGHT!

LEFT! and I'm OUT

At the old

Ball

Game!

-- Joey Rah-Rah

The Limerick Song

2010-10-14T22:52:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

We hope that this singer will go

To Old Fish and Lemonade so

He can fix what is wrong

In an oth'rwise-fine song,

By including just one PFO.

-- Promo Joe

Humpty Dumpty

2010-09-30T23:43:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

Humpty Dumpty sat on a cunt.

He thought he was doin' it right, but he wun't.

All the King's horses and all the King's men

Were doin' it right, but they shouldn'ta been.

-- Mother Gross

The A-Team

2010-09-26T21:42:00.003-04:00

Buddies, There's no need to pity fools
When you know that your team rules.
Forget that pansy Mr. T

The better A-Team's Atlanski

You Will SUBMIT!

2010-09-16T18:05:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

NOBODY can play as well as me upon the stage

Set up at ATLANSKI, the supreme poetic page.

So I say with confidence, and quite emphatically:

Come and try your hand. You seem like NOBODY to me.

-- Joe Cockier

Blew Cheese

2010-09-12T15:02:00.004-04:00

Buddies, A woman who does as she pleases

Found pleasure in making fresh cheeses

Til somebody heard

That she used in her curd

The snot she saved up from her sneezes.

Row, Row, Row Your Boat

2010-09-06T03:25:00.002-04:00

Buddies,

Row, row, row your boat,

Gently down the stream.

The current, you jerk,

Could be doing the work,

But you're too dumb, it would seem.

-- No-Row Joe

Joeku

2010-09-03T21:50:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

A dove upended

Struggling to put itself right ...

I just flip the bird.

"I SHOOK UP THE WORLD!"

2010-08-31T01:57:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

If you shake the world, before long,

You'll be honored in sculpture and song.

You'll acquire such fame,

We'll emblazon your name,

Respectfully spelling it WRONG.

-- Injun Joe

Run o' the Mill

2010-08-28T01:27:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

This is my garden. This is my cat.

What other blogger posts cool shit like that?

Pics of the cute infant son of my cousin --

Just send me a dime, and I'll post a dozen.

-- Sarcasticles

Hopeski

2010-08-26T00:32:00.008-04:00

Get off your ass and vote! Go!
For the best candidate that you know!
Let's send to D.C.
Part of Atlanski!

By voting for President: Joe

Fugly

2010-08-22T19:22:00.000-04:00

Buddies,

Said Atlas, "I don't mind that you

Have altered your poem's font-hue.

But you should have seen

That a color like GREEN,

Would clash with the orange and blue."

Sleepy Bedroom Community

2010-08-18T00:03:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

The cemetery's overcrowded --

Not enough terrain.

Funny how you never hear

The residents complain.

-- Boneyard Joe

A Midsummer Night's Sonnet

2010-08-09T00:28:00.002-04:00

Buddies,

Just what the HECK is that dang'd furry thing,

A-sittin' on the shelf inside my fridge?

It ain't the meatloaf that I made last spring,

'Cause that's right over here, this mucilage.

Perhaps it is the soup I served for Lent.

It hadn't any meat in it, and sucked.

And so, no matter what accomp'niment,

Nobody ate it -- I'll be motherfucked!

It may be best, ignoring mystery;

Since soup or meatloaf won't the point affect

That my refrigerator certainly

Has suffered far too long my dang'd neglect.

The two things that could purify this site

Are disinfectant, after dynamite.

It's Sea and You

2010-07-31T17:16:00.009-04:00

Buddies,

I'm glad to be best friends with you
And sail on the vast ocean blue
In prep for sea weather
We'll suit-up together

And dress like a huge condom, too.

Doin' My Exercises

2010-07-28T19:14:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

I lifted my spirits, but then hit my head.

I ran up a debt, landing me in the red.

I jogged my own memory, tossing a salad,

Then jumped to conclusions that weren't quite valid.

I wrestled with issues I can't comprehend,

So flipped a fair, two-sided coin in the end.

I worked out frustrations by throwing a fit,

And just strained my brain, so now I must quit.

-- Jack LaLanski

Don't Eat Prunes in Public

2010-07-21T19:55:00.002-04:00

Buddies,

If you feel you're gonna BURST

Make sure no one's looking first.

If you're seen when down you squat

You will have to pay a lot.

So dump in public, out of sight

Or pinch your cheeks and just sit tight.

Ad-Lanski

2010-07-18T13:33:00.000-04:00

Buddies,

If you believe rhyming's da BOMB,

To HECK with permission from mom!

Proceed instantly

To http://

atlanski.blogspot.com

Plugged

2010-07-16T22:54:00.006-04:00

Buddies,

I shouldn't have had those cheese snacks.

They got me plugged up to the MAX.

I've been up all night

Right here, sitting TIGHT

I wish that I had some Prunelax.

No Time For Privates

2010-07-14T23:00:00.001-04:00

Buddies,

"Lorem ipsum

Dolor sit amet" --

What in the FUCK

Does THAT mean, goddammit?

"Consectetur

adipiscing elit" --

If that ain't BULLSHIT,

Then hows come I smell it?

-- Private Joker